The Ol' Man sent me a text yesterday obviously feeling sorry for himself. He came over and put the children to bed, before going home again. He didn't have much to say and I didn't have anything to say to him. It seems my previous readings from which I have interpreted the feelings of the Ol' Man and have been correct. We have both feeling sorry for ourselves and yet wanting to drive our points home. I have been enjoying freedom from not 'feeling' the Ol' Man all the time too. I am sure that I empathise with him to much and it's very draining. Feeling another persons doubts, worries and melancholy attitude to life, doesn't help loving them either.
Anyway, today I am tidying up and then participating in my older boys school activity this afternoon, making clay pots!
Hanson-Roberts Tarot
Using the Hanson-Roberts Tarot and asking "What do I need to know about today?" I drew the 'Ten of Swords', 'Nine of Swords and the 'Seven of Cups'. I am not sure if the deck has had its first shuffle, if it hadn't, the shuffle I performed would not have created an even mixed deck of cards. I used the cards anyway, knowing that all actions (shuffled or not) lead to the correct fall of the cards.
The 'Ten of Swords' says I have no interest in taking the Swords that he created from my back. He never makes an effort to apologise or discuss the problem. He thinks looking soppy and wounded will get me to 'make it all better' for him. Well not this time!
The 'Nine of Swords' speaks of guilt and anguish as a result of something I have done or, relates to how I feel about the Ol' Man.
The 'Seven of Cups' is about choices of the heart "Do I want him back to suffer all the worry and grief of the 'Nine of Swords' that I feel when he's around? Do I love him?". I do want him back and I do love him but I don't want to feel like the 'Ten of Swords', picking up on his melancholy attitude. If I am empathic, its a burden and ruining my relationship. Perhaps I need to get on with making a heartfelt decision, as using my head is making me as prone as the ' Ten of Swords'.
In short, I am not ready to get over this argument between the Ol' Man and I (Ten of Swords). But I am stuck with the worry (Nine of Swords) of how to move forward in our relationship. Do I want him back? Do I want freedom from worry? (Seven of Cups). My heart is definitely looking for new possibilities right now because having a relationship where I can love and be free seems impossible.
It's funny, I picked out these cards thinking that I hadn't shuffled the deck properly, the card look senseless and yet they are so accurate! Although they merely seem to make me aware of my feelings and problems that are confronting me today.... Thinking of what the cards mean whilst listening to Alanis Morrisette, I just became aware of the lyrics....
You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for
'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
You sit... and you wait... to receive
There's an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence
could make you try tonight
'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore
There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand
But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you
get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for
'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
You sit... and you wait... to receive
There's an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence
could make you try tonight
'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore
There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand
But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you
get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it
All the my feelings and insights gained from this weeks readings are summed up in those words.
There have been lot of 'Swords' and 'Cups' in my readings lately, signifying a battle between mind and heart.
The quintessential card is 10+9+7=26. I reduce 26 by adding 2+6 which is 8, 'Strength' who symbolises the real inner you being released carefully into reality. I have become aware of being repressed by my relationship - I haven't been me, but being the person the Ol' Man wants me to be. I must find a way of getting back to me. Whether our relationship can continue as a result I do not know.
Also, the 'Seven of Cups'- with the various symbols popping out of the cups reminds me of clay pot making with my Son later on!
Phew! Thats enough insight for thought today!
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